so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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