you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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