Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
