Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
