I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
