my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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