Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
