no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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