She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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