He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
