can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
