I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
