5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
