It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize
