guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
