the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
