just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize