what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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