What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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