Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
