I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
