I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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