you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
