yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
