he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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