Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
