ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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