My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
