I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
