Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
