peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
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I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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