I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drake has all the answers
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
