cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
