I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
