but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
