dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
