I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
