the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
