wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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