NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
