So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
