Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she peed on how many people?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
