my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
