no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
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I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have post one night stand depression
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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