How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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