This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
