TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
