i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
