it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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