Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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