You're a womanizer and a bitch.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
