I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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