I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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