I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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