Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
