As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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