I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
