i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
