bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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