Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
