so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
