dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
