you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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