You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
