Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
