Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i permit you to call me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
