just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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