I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
