I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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